FAQ's

a brief intro - what is family mediation?

Family mediation is a way of resolving disputes without going to court - the parties, rather than a judge, decide the outcome It is a dispute resolution process which provides an alternative to going to court. An impartial third party - the mediator - helps both parties to reach their own decisions for arrangements for themselves, the children and any financial issues. It is voluntary and confidential. Parties discuss their issues and concerns in a safe, neutral environment and have the opportunity to improve their communication and chances of long-term co-operation, often necessary where there are children. The mediator controls the process but the parties retain control of the decisions made. Mediation is usually a less acrimonious, less stressful, quicker and cheaper method of resolving family disputes. It can be used at any time - whether parties are still living together, living separately or are divorced. It is NOT directly an aid to reconciliation and mediators do not provide counselling.

advice - are you able to advise me on the merits of my case?

The Family Mediation Helpline has been set up to provide information about the mediation process in family disputes, and to provide details of mediation professionals that are local to you. The Helpline is unable to provide legal advice on the merits of your case, or advice on where you may stand with regard to the law on a number of issues relating to children or property. You may wish to seek independent legal advice -you can contact the Law Society by calling 0870 606 2555 or by visiting the following link http://www.lawsociety.org.uk/choosingandusing/findasolicitor.law for details of solicitors specialising in family law. You may also be able to access some advice by visiting the Citizens' Advice Bureau website http://www.adviceguide.org.uk  or by visiting a branch local to you. There is also information available on family-related matters on the AdviceNow website ( http://www.advicenow.org.uk  ) that you may find relevant. Free independent legal advice is also available from Community Legal Advice to those who qualify for public funding - call 0845 345 4 345 or visit http://www.communitylegaladvice.org.uk/en/legalaid/calculator.jsp to check whether you are eligible for legal aid. Law Centres also offer free legal advice - it might be worth you contacting one local to you to see whether they are able to advise on the merits of your case. Call us on 0845 60 26 627 if you would like information on the family mediation process, or if you would like details of mediators local to you.

agreement - is any agreement reached during mediation legally binding?

A mediation agreement depends to a large extent on the good will of the parties to comply with it, but there are legal ways of making it binding.
Mediation agreements are not binding and rely on the parties concerned to honour them. You can, however, take the mediation agreement proposals to your solicitor for a binding Court Order if that is appropriate in your case.
Only when implemented into a binding agreement which may be in the form of a consent order do the proposals following mediation become binding.
Whilst the agreement you reach in mediation is not binding unless you take steps to convert it to a binding document, it is unusual for couples to spend time and energy on negotiations, only to reject the outcome later on. One of the advantages of mediation is that the parties themselves have ownership of any decisions reached. If a mediator is concerned that one of the parties to the mediation is not negotiating in good faith, then he or she would raise this concern.

best deal - will I get the best one if I mediate my dispute?

Whether you get the best deal through mediation really depends on your personal circumstances
This would vary from case to case, that's why you are encouraged to take legal advice at any stage, so you can find out about the possibilities. However, the best deal is really what suits you and your family, and what would be accepted by both parties. The mediator will help you think about the options available to you through negotiating with the other party.

children - can they participate in family mediation?

Some family mediators are trained to include children in the mediation process
Yes. Children can sometimes be involved in the mediation process. This will happen only if both parties and the children agree and it is felt that the children are old enough to express their wishes and feelings. Children often tell each parent or other family members what they think they want to hear instead of what they want themselves so as not to upset anyone. They may find it easier to say how they really feel to someone they know is not going to be on anybody's side. Some mediators are specially qualified and CRB checked to consult directly with children - you can ask your mediator if they are so qualified.

children - is family mediation suitable for disputes over child-related matters?

High conflict cases impact negatively on the welbeing of any child involved - family mediation is a good way of making any necessary communication between the parties less unpleasant. And it's a good way of reducing conflict.

Family mediation, when successful, is a very effective way of helping you and the other party become less likely to shout or to be unpleasant to each other. This has significant benefits for any children involved. Children whose parents go to mediation to sort out their problems usually find the separation much less distressing than those whose parents go to court.

confidentiality - is family mediation a confidential process?

What you discuss in family mediation sessions is confidential but there are some exceptions.

Mediation is confidential. The mediator cannot tell anyone about anything you've talked about in mediation without your permission. There are some exceptions, for example, where a child is at risk; or where financial details raise issues under the Proceeds of Crime Act. If you are worried about confidentiality issues, ask the mediator who will explain more. It also means that if you do not reach agreement on all the issues and go to court afterwards, then neither of you can refer to discussions in the mediation unless you both agree. This does not apply to factual financial information which can be passed to solicitors and used in court proceedings.

costs - how much will mediation cost?

Broadly speaking, a family mediator's fee is equivalent to that of a family solicitor - however, only one mediator is needed for both and the cost is shared equally. Family mediation is free if you qualify for public funding and you can check if you do by visiting the Community Legal Advice website http://www.communitylegaladvice.org.uk/en/legalaid/ or by calling 0845 345 4 345. If you do not qualify for public funding then you will have pay the private fees of the mediation provider. Charges vary and may be per session or per hour and may vary from one mediation provider to another. When you first contact a he/she can tell you what they charge and must always tell you before you decide whether or not to engage in mediation. As a very rough guide, mediation fees are broadly equivalent to those of a family solicitor - the difference being that in mediation you are only paying one set of fees, that is to say you share the cost with the other party, rather than each of you paying a solicitor. If one of you qualifies for public funding, there will be no charge for the initial meeting at which the mediator assesses the suitability of your case for mediation and explains the principles and process of mediation to you.

costs - is family mediation free?

You may not have to pay for mediation if you qualify for public funding Mediation is free for those who qualify for public funding (known as legal aid). If you do not qualify for legal aid, mediation providers have a charging policy. At your initial meeting with the mediator, he or she will assess whether you qualify for legal aid based on the information you provide them about your current income and expenditure. You may also wish to visit the Community Legal Advice website http://www.communitylegaladvice.org.uk/en/legalaid/ or to call 0845 345 4 345 to check whether you qualify for public funding.

court - can I still mediate my dispute if it's currently with the court?

Mediation could still be an option where parties are now in court
Yes - court proceedings are frequently resolved by agreement. Mediation is often a useful aid to resolving disputes at any stage, whether before or after the proceedings have started and up until the final hearing, you are able to negotiate with the other party.

court - does family mediation replace going to the court, and is it a better option?

Family mediation is an alternative to court but does not bar you from taking your dispute to court at a later stage - you still need to petition a court for your divorce
The child-related and/or financial implications of family relationships breaking down are matters that can be mediated.
Choosing to mediate your dispute does not bar you from taking your case to court if mediation fails. If your case is already with the court but you would rather mediate with the other party, you are still able to take it out of court at any stage.
Whether mediation is a better option really depends on whether both you and the other party are genuinely willing to mediate your disputes. But advantages do exist in terms of costs; length; and control over the outcome.
Mediation can be a less costly alternative to going to court because the parties share the mediation costs. However, it may be necessary for you to obtain advice from a solicitor during mediation to ensure that what you agree to is in your interest and to convert any agreement reached during mediation into a legal document, or to have the court issue an order that reflects that agreement. It is still very likely that the combined costs (mediating, and seeking relevant legal advice) will not exceed those of taking your dispute to court.
Mediation can also be a less lengthy process than going to court as you and the other party along with the mediator set the pace.
Mediation also ensures that you and the other party decide what the outcome should be rather than a judge.

difficulty - is mediation a tough way of resolving family disputes?

Mediation can be difficult and is not always easy but it is usually easier than going to court
Sometimes it is, and at times it can be quite difficult, but it is usually easier than the alternative of court proceedings. Separation is painful, and sorting things out is not always easy, but it has to be done, and could potentially be done in a less hostile way that going to court.

disclosing financial info - do I need to disclose details about my finances when mediating?

Disclosure of financial information is usually necessary if the dispute you wish to mediate relates to finances and/or property
If financial issues are to be discussed parties must disclose all relevant financial information.

This is not optional and you will be asked to give the same information that you would have to give if you went to court. Usually it will be necessary. If the dispute is about money and property due to you and the other party ending your relationship, you will both have to give the mediator details of all your finances and your interests in property. The mediator will ask you to provide this in the same way that you would on the financial questionnaire that you would have to complete if you went to court.

A mediator will not continue unless he or she thinks that both of you have been completely honest. It may be necessary that you get up-to-date valuations of property or financial assets like shares or pensions. A solicitor or financial advisor can help you to obtain these valuations.
Mediation will only work if you are being completely upfront and honest about your finances.

discussions - what can be discussed in mediation, and is there a limit?

You and the other party control what can be discussed in mediation - you do not have to limit your discussions to issues that are strictly legal
No. You both decide what you want to talk about. You are free to discuss any issues you feel are important. These may be issues ignored by the other person, because they don't realise how much these issues mean to you - this is your chance to say so.
It also gives you a chance to look beyond strictly legal issues and explore all the issues that concern you. It is also the only opportunity to consider arrangements for the children and financial issues together. Courts deal with these issues separately.

domestic violence - what happens if there is a history of it?

For mediation to work it is essential that both parties feel safe. Mediation should always be a voluntary process and any concerns about safety should be discussed with the mediator at the assessment meeting. The mediator will not agree to mediate if they think there may be safety issues, or, if they think that either person might feel under pressure to agree to something that may not be suitable for them. Most cases that involve domestic violence are not considered suitable, but, some mediators have had great success working with separating couples where there is a history of domestic abuse or violence. In some situations, single incidents can be seen as the result of the stresses involved in relationship breakdown. It could be that another incident is very unlikely if communication between the parties is improved. In these situations mediation can provide a way forward for both parties.

During the mediation process if the mediator feels that either party is in danger, then the sessions will be stopped and you will be advised to speak to your solicitor.

ease - is mediating my dispute an easy option?

Mediating with the other party is not an easy task but it is empowering as you and the other party, rather than a judge, agree the outcome.
It is much less stressful than going to court but is not an easy option as it requires you to work hard with the other party to find solutions to your disputes which may be about complex or emotional issues. This can be more difficult where you and the other party have not been in contact for some time or where communication has broken down between you. But the mediator may be able to help you both, perhaps by suggesting new options and by ensuring you arrive at workable solutions acceptable to both of you. The agreement you reach is yours - family mediators will never tell either of you what to do. Though mediating is not an easy option, it is empowering.

family mediators - who are they, are they qualified, and where can I find one?

Family mediators come from a wide range of professional backgrounds and are there to help both parties arrive at mutually acceptable solutions to their disputes but cannot give legal advice nor can they take sides Family mediators come from a wide range of professional backgrounds including the legal profession, healthcare, counselling, and other caring professions working with families and children. All family mediators with training in family issues should be members of professional organisations (such as the Alternative Dispute Resolution Group; the Family Mediators' Association; the Law Society; National Family Mediation; Resolution; or the UK College of Family Mediators) which form the Family Mediation Council. You can ask your mediator whether he/she is a member of one of these organisations. All the family mediators linked to the Family Mediation Helpline are trained and qualified professionals who work to a code of practice. Family mediators do not give legal advice, offer counselling or therapy, or make decisions for you. You can find a family mediator local to you by using the search facility accessible through the following link: https://www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk/find-service.php - or by calling us here at the Family Mediation Helpline on 0845 60 26 627

first meeting - what will my first meeting with a family mediator involve?

Your first meeting with the family mediator will involve an assessment of your dispute to ensure that mediation is appropriate
Before the actual mediation process starts you will be invited to a meeting with the mediator. This meeting, known as the assessment session, gives you the chance to tell the mediator about any worries you have or reasons you feel mediation may not be right for you. The other person will also be invited to an assessment meeting.
There may be cases where mediation is not suitable and the mediator will listen to what you both say and will not mediate unless he or she is sure that both of you will feel safe during mediation and that you can reach an agreement that is fair to you both.

intimidation - I find the other party very intimidating, will it still be possible to mediate my dispute?

Mediators are trained to ensure that your opinions are put across however difficult the other party may make this
Family mediators are trained to recognise and deal with power imbalances. They ensure both of you are heard, and the process is designed to maintain a safe environment and a fair balance between you. Should the mediator however have concerns about this undermining the fairness of the outcome, s/he will not continue with it. Equally, since you and the other party control the process, you may withdraw whenever you like.

issues - how could mediation work for me, and what sort of issues could it resolve?

Mediation is all about your situation, looking at what areas you and your ex partner, or family member, disagree on and help to find solutions that work for both of you.
You and the other person decide what the main areas that need to be resolved are. Some common areas of dispute include;

• Living and contact arrangements for any children.
• What happens to your family home, your assets and any debts you have.
• Income and pension needs.
• Parent and child disputes

Both you and the other person involved stay in control of the process. The mediator will never take sides. He or she will help you to discuss the problems between you, and help you both to work towards agreements in a fair and open way. No one will impose a decision on you.

length of time - how long will it take to mediate my dispute?

The length of family mediation depends on certain factors such as the complexity of your dispute and the flexibility of the parties involved
This depends on the number and complexity of the issues that need resolving and on how genuinely willing parties are to negotiate. Mediation usually takes between two and six sessions, with each session lasting about an hour and a half.
Parties who are genuinely willing to mediate, more often than not, reach agreement much sooner than their case would have reached final hearing stage had they gone to court.

length of time - is family mediation a more speedy option that going to court?

Your family mediator will be able to advise on the likely length of mediating your dispute
The majority of mediations are concluded in three to six sessions, each lasting approximately one and a half hours. This is much quicker than court proceedings leading to a full hearing.

Occasionally, a family will have very complex finances or very high conflict and disagreement - in such instances whatever means the parties use to resolve their disputes, be it mediation or going to court, it would be prolonged. The probable length of mediation is always fully discussed.

more info - where do I find more information?

• Fill in an online enquiry form see link www.FamilyMediationHelpline.co.uk
• Search the online database,
• or call 0845 60 26 627 for advice on family mediation, and information about family mediators in your area.

number of sessions - how many mediation sessions do I need to attend and how long do they last?

The number and duration of mediation sessions depends on the individual circumstances
Each session lasts 1 1/2 hours, and it usually takes between 1 and 6 sessions to resolve the issues. The number of sessions depends on the range of issues and the complexity of your affairs. The introductory session lasts between 30 minutes and an hour.

phone number - is there a local (non-0845) number on which to call the Helpline?

Yes, the local number is 01823 623650

process - what does mediation involve, and what happens when I first turn up?

You and the other party control many aspects of family mediation - the length, the time and outcome, along with the issues to be discussed.

The first meeting enables you and the mediator to assess whether mediation is appropriate for your dispute. Before mediation starts, both parties are invited to an assessment meeting with a mediator where your case is assessed for suitability for mediation and the process of mediation is explained. You will meet the mediator separately to begin with and any safety concerns should be discussed with him/her at this point. Then if the mediator feels that it would be appropriate, he/she will see you together. You will have a chance to raise key issues you feel need to be resolved.

Mediation is a voluntary process and it is about you and the other party - you decide what you want to talk about in resolving your problems. Perhaps there are issues that have worried you, that have been ignored by the other person, and family mediation offers a chance to tell the other party about them. The court would only offer you this opportunity under more adversarial circumstances.

Family mediators help to identify and clarify the issues and will help you to identify and collect documents and information necessary for the mediation. The mediator will discuss options and help you both to negotiate to reach decisions that are mutually acceptable. Mediators will make sure that discussions are fair and that both parties feel safe.

solicitors - will I still need a one?

A solicitor may still be necessary where parties opt for mediation
Family mediators will encourage you to consult your solicitor if they consider it appropriate. The mediator can give you legal information, but not advice as to your best interests, as he/she must act impartially throughout.

If you are mediating about finances, you will be recommended to consult a solicitor, so that you can be advised as to whether or not proposals reached in mediation would be fair to you. Your solicitor will take you through anything agreed in mediation to make sure that you understand fully how it will affect you. Your solicitor will also be able to translate such proposals into a legally binding agreement or consent order if this is what you wish to do.

suitability - is family mediation always appropriate?

Family mediation is not always suitable. Since it is a voluntary process, no one should be pressurised into mediating if they are not willing to negotiate and deal with the other party directly. The presence of abuse may also make mediation unsuitable.

Family mediation, being wholly voluntary, requires that both parties genuinely and willingly choose to mediate. For it to work it is essential that both parties freely volunteer to participate. Any concerns about safety should be discussed with the family mediator at the assessment meeting (which the parties have separately with the family mediator).

The mediator may not agree to mediate if he/she thinks there may be safety issues, for example, domestic violence or child abuse, or if they think that either person might feel under pressure to agree to something that may not be suitable for them. During the mediation process, if the mediator feels that either party is in danger, then the sessions will be stopped and you will be advised to speak to your solicitor.

Again, mediation will not be appropriate where there is harm or risk of harm to a child. If the mediator feels at any stage that your child is in immediate need of protection, then the mediation will be terminated, the case will be referred to the relevant agencies, and you will be advised to speak to your solicitor.

Sometimes one of the parties has such an advantage over the other that it could substantially undermine the fairness of the outcome, then mediation is not appropriate. Mediation will only work if both parties enter into it in good faith and really want to make it work.